Josiah and Mommy Pack

A week ago today, my aunt joined the saints and angels, with all of our loved ones faithfully departed. May light perpetual shine upon her. I will be assisting at the funeral, which is a great honor for me. As such, Josiah and I have booked tickets to Rhode Island. He was helping me pack things I hadn't worn in a while, such as clerical collars and black shirts. While I was getting organized, he fell asleep. Of course, this will be his first plane ride and I hope it goes smoothly. I got a new diaper bag for our trip and I'm so excited because there are pockets for everything--keys, bottles, cell phone, etc. Hopefully, we won't lose anything this time.

Adelaide is still asking about Aunt J. She asked today is she was sleeping. I said, "No" because I didn't want Addie to fear going to sleep. She paused and then said, "She's sleeping in heaven." That seemed to be a better answer for her.

Go USA!

Yesterday we did our best to inculturate our children into the game of soccer. You see, Adam and I are not big fans of professional sports. The only professional sports game we have attended together is a Cubs game, which was well worth it. In my childhood, I got to attend some Hartford Whalers games as I babysat for some of the player's kids. But, beyond that, professional sports are somewhat out of our purview. But, soccer, oh, soccer, the best sport in the world.
I played soccer as a child, ended up playing on a travel team as a kid, and eventually played in high school and college. I have always loved the sport for its simplicity--and for the reason that anyone can play it. All you need is a ball and a pair of cleats. When I lived in Tanzania, soccer opened doors for me as a young woman playing against a whole field of men! Kids there would save plastic bags and just tie them together and play the game on a patch of dirt. No need for pads, helmets, sticks, or even special footwear. Most kids played in bare feet and nobody needed a building.
So, yesterday we were really looking forward to the game--USA vs. Ghana. Because our kids are not used to "watching" sports they had no idea that they weren't supposed to stand in front of the TV or be quiet. When I screamed after many elusive shots on goals, they looked really worried, and Josiah would pull off of me while I was feeding him. But they certainly enjoyed getting to watch TV in the middle of the day and sport their World Cup shirts. The shirts were so big we know they will be able to sport them in 2014 and, hopefully, by then the kids will be little Peles or Maradonas or at least Landon Donovans. When it comes to soccer, there will be no choice; everybody will play.

Addie's Potty Party

Tonight we celebrated Adelaide's full entry into "big girlhood" by going out to a restaurant. Yes, months ago she was so very close, but then she developed a will of her own. From there on out, it was a verbal battle to get her to use the bathroom. She was so very close again right before the baby was born. However, she lost sight of her program and relapsed. She now realizes she must take ownership of her body. And, the girl has risen to the occasion. We have basically ignored the issue and she decided to take care of it on her own by requesting underwear and wearing them. She has had no accidents this whole week, and while she still refuses to use the bathroom when we suggest it, she seems to hold her own (pun intended.) Adelaide, you are such a fiercely independent child and we love you. Hooray.

Theology on their minds

When I originally started this blog, I had hoped I would focus explicitly on the intersection of faith and parenting. It has not necessarily been that easy to keep focused on that topic and I realized I needed this blog to be both about interesting topics and a journal of our lives. However, I thought that now that my evenings are taken up with a hungry baby, I may just be able to write once a week. I thought that Sundays would be a good night to reflect on our Sabbath time and try to see where God has been working during the week.

Our children have been overhearing us talk about my aunt and godmother who is approaching death. Last weekend, we all had the chance to see her and say our important good-byes. My mom and I talked in the car about the situation and from the backseat about a half hour later a little voiced piped up, "Is Aunt J going to die?" We told her that soon she would die. Addie protested and didn't seem to like the idea. The next morning she asked us the same thing and we explained that she was very sick and that dying would be good because she wouldn't be in pain anymore. When I came home to a particularly sad message on the answering machine, I started to cry. Adelaide said, "Daddy, give Mommy a hug. She's sad." It seems that Addie has a sense of death and doesn't want it to happen--and she has a sense of empathy.

Elias, on the other hand, is more blase. I think that is, in part, because he loves swords and other destructive things. His worldview includes death as a part of a game. However, this morning when Addie asked again about Aunt J, Elias piped in and said "It's Ok for her to die because she will be safe in heaven with God." While he has expressed such a confident faith, Elias is also self-differentiating with his faith. The other day he told us God was stupid and is playing around with making "fun" of God. Yesterday morning we were saying grace and Adelaide thanked God for her waffles and he said, "I thank Trader Joe's" (Now we know all good things come from Trader Joe's from the bounty of the Lord.)

This morning I was listening to a program called Speaking of Faith on NPR. The speaker was a female rabbi and she talked about the importance of listening to children and knowing them as true religious and spiritual creatures. I see that in my kids all the time. Children truly struggle with the existential all the time. Now if we give them silence and listening hearts we can accompany them on that journey. It's not an easy task because as I listen to NPR I'm trying to find shoes and change a diaper so that we can get out the door in time for me to celebrate the Eucharist. Sometimes, life is truly a paradox as I hurry and rush my kids so that I can lead others in meditation, prayer, and worship.

Gendered Language

Adelaide is truly into categories right now. She asks if something is a boy cup or a girl cup. She wants to know if it's a boy toy or a girl toy. Beyond that, it is as if she is learning Latin and finding masculine and feminine declensions. Is that a boy word or a girl word? She still wants to reassure herself that certain people are girls and others are boys. She just recently switched from calling her monkey a he to a she. And, there has been a lot of discussion lately about how there is one sister and two brothers. Just recently she has cracked us up by saying with a combination of flippancy and humor, "Ok Mommy girl" or "Ok Daddy boy." All done for now John Boy and Addie-Girl.

Elias' Last Day of School

An exuberant and triumphant Elias finished school on Friday. He joined his class in singing a few fun songs and walking over a little bridge in his "MOVING ON" ceremony. The school year was a very good one considering he moved from one excellent preschool to a completely new school and town. The beginning of the year had a few bumps in the road, but by the end of the year I can't say enough of how well school seemed to be going for him. To start, Elias loves school. Second, he is in a classroom in which the teachers respond to his interests and nurture them. For a while, he was really into Star Wars even though he never saw the movie. However, together with the teachers he made his own movie, narrated it, and illustrated it. For the past two months, he has come home every day with a book. he is so proud of his narrating and illustrating and he tells us he is an author and an illustrator. Even though he loves to draw and write all the time, he still has weak fine motor skills and yet has learned how to hold a pencil properly. He can write his name, but not always in the correct order. We're convinced he wants to learn Hebrew first. About two years ago, Elias knew all his sounds and letters and now he is relearning them at a clipped pace. He wants me to read all signs and spell all things. He likes to compare words and is fascinated with synonyms--especially breast and boob for now! Socially, Elias made a lot of friends and really plays well with other kids. Right now, he gravitates toward boys, but did tell me the other day he was going to marry Megan as long as they played well together. I'm afraid his self-confidence may be too high at the moment because he loves to tell Adelaide he does things better because he's 4, was born first, and is the best. Hmm. Overall, it was a great year and now I wonder how I'm going to be with all three, four and under, all summer. I bet we will be delighted to see September roll around again.

Family Reunion

It was a true gift to see my cousins and aunts and uncles and my grandmother this weekend. We had 14 great granchildren from 6 weeks to age 11. We had eight of the nine grandchildren and their spouses. We had all four children--of which my mom is the oldest. And we were ably hosted by my grandmother at 89.5. Our children were in cousin heaven as they rocked on the hammock and turned it into a boat, a house, and even a fort. The scavenger hunt was a true success as well--and the popsicles were a great hit. Now we just need to make this a family habit.

Josiah's Very Own Gadget

We felt like it was a good idea to indulge the little one with something of his own. So, we bought him a fancy, dancy swing. His brother and sister used a hand-me-down swing which did not have the sweet sounds of birds chirping or water streaming. This swing even has a tray, which provides a barrier from older siblings. Also, it is easier on the back then plopping him down in the carseat. So far, it has been a good purchase as we have placed it right near the kitchen. He can watch us cook, or he can be asleep and out of the way. Still, though, Josiah's first love is being in the Bjorn or the sling. He is definitely a babywearing baby. Now it's hard to know if that is because of necessity or is something he has innately desired. I've noticed, though, in other friends' blogs that that the third child is worn a lot, too.

Speaking of third children, Josiah had his first well check up yesterday. After the nurse weighed and measured him, she asked if I had a baby book to hand her for the picture of the first doctor's visit. I was caught off guard. I recovered and said, "No, he's my third." She just laughed and said, "I got it." So, Josiah, here's to your cyber babybook. You weighed 10lbs and 9 oz with a very wet cloth diaper on. You were 23 inches long and I have no idea about your head, but I'm guessing it's either small or average. You were in the 75% for both height and weight so you are by far the most solid baby we have had. The dr gave you a sweet kiss on the way out and said you looked like your dad. It was a good check-up.

Laundry Methods

One of my stranger worries about adding another cute member to our family was the addition of cute, soiled burp cloths, diapers, and onsies. I wondered how I would keep up with the laundry. Apparently, my sister-in-law has developed a new plan for her family--and she launders for 7 kids. I thought that surely my three should be able to find clean clothes in their drawers as well. I have experimented with all kinds of methods: wait until the end of the week and then do 14 loads of laundry, but that kills the weekends. I've done the few loads a day and wait to fold everything until Sunday night. But that process leaves for really wrinkled clothes and hours of TV as I fold. I have also tried wash, fold, and put away as you go. However, that style means I'm constantly running up and down stairs to put away one t shirt and one dress. So, here's the new process:

1. Do one or two loads a day to keep up and fold as soon as the laundry in the dryer is dry. Therefore, piles of dry clean clothes do not accumulate.

2. Make a pile for each member of the family and try to do kids' laundry together so it's easy to track.

3. Rejoice that winter is over and socks are a thing of the past.

4. Move all clean laundry to the bottom of the stairs and on Sunday night get everybody to help bring it upstairs.

5. While kids are bathing, put all laundry for all family members away!

6. Press repeat on Monday and start all over again.

Any other methods that work for you are welcome. I would love to find the "perfect" system.

Dishwasher Diva

The past few days, Adelaide has truly been a real help around the house. One of her latest triumphs has been helping me empty the dishwasher. She takes out all the plates, bowls, and the like and hands them to me to put away in the cupboards. But, what she loves is emptying the silverware and putting it away in the drawer. I'm sure it's a good sorting task for a two year old.

The third time around

A week ago, I stepped on the elevator on my way to my OB check-up. Of course, I had Josiah in his car seat carrier. As I moved my way into the corner, two other moms got on the elevator: one with a child in a stroller and another in her arms. They both looked at Josiah and appropriately oohed and gooed. Then one woman said to me, "Enjoy him while you can. They grow so fast." I smiled knowingly. In my mind I was thinking that they thought I was a new mom. Little did they know that I had been through nights of vomit, days of tantrums, afternoons of reading on laps and listening to Music Together CD's, evenings of sweeping grapes and peas off the floor, hours of staring at my watch and wondering when the clock would read 7:00--or as we say in our household seven zero zero. I had seen two infants safely to toddlerdom and one on to preschool. I am now an experienced mom--an old mom.

On being old: Now some of you may disagree, but I feel like an older mom now. I had Elias at 33 and at 35 I delivered Adelaide. Even our OB laughed when she tried to hand me the literature on Advanced Maternal Age at 35. She just thought that Adam and I didn't look old enough. When I got pregnant with Josiah, I was 37. At my first appointment, I said to the Dr, "I know I'm old so you may recommend certain tests." He stopped me and surprised me and said that advanced maternal age was now 40! I still wasn't officially "old." And, yet, my body told me otherwise throughout the pregnancy. More veins to turn purple, more stretched skin tinged with blue, more days of gagging, and more water in my belly. On top of it all, I was weighted down with more weight than ever before. I was older. Even my white wristband at the hospital told the stark truth: Age 38. As I wandered the hallway trying to get on my feet after Josiah's birth, I felt like those around me were younger. And I wanted to declare, I was younger when I had my first. We're on three now. I guess I wanted to explain the curly grey hairs and my varicose veins.

Many of us wish we could capture the moments with our newborn, but they are elusive. Mostly because in between the snapping and unsnapping of the nursing bras, there are diaper changes, swinging and swaying, detergent dispensed, and then the button is pressed to reset. We wish that we could capture the responsive smile, the clenched fists, the hands that get caught in the mouth while trying to find a nipple. I try to hold these moments in my head because I know now, more than ever, "They grow up too fast." They do, dear women on the elevator. They do. You just don't need to tell me. I'm an older mother now. I know.