Twins?

Elias and Ethan showed up to school the same day with the exact same shirt  They are good buddies as well and worked very hard on building a sand castle.

Addie's last day of preschool

Last Day

First Day

Despite Adelaide's recent recalcitrance and her nickname from my mother "Addi-tude"  she had a wonderful school year.  The teacher told me she was delightful and I quipped, "I'm glad she was for you."  She said, "that's the way you want to have it, trust me."  Actually, she can be very delightful, helpful, and engaging.  However, I have also caught her hitting her baby brother with a pair of sandals.  She is just so mercurial.  Her teacher weighed and measured the kids the first day and the last day.  She's grown over 2 inches this year and gained about three pounds. 

Josiah Takes a Few Steps

Thank goodness for Josiah.  He has learned to say "Uh-oh"  and take a few steps this week.  He also will give me, (ONLY ME) kisses on cue.  He still doesn't say Mama, but the kisses are enough to melt me.

One, Two, Three Strikes You're Out

We had the great fun of attending a Diocese of Philadelphia Phillies game.  We bought the tickets months ago and booked a sitter.  We had a fun time.  Meanwhile, our evil daughter threw a remote control at her brother while we were gone bringing his bruises under his eyes to two.  The other black eye was incurred by his father with a tennis ball as Elias was honing his baseball skills.

Some people really look forward to summer. I wish I could say that I am.  However, Adelaide has a way of really pushing Elias's buttons and incurring meltdowns.  She smiles and tries to keep doing it.  Unfortunately, he is too darn sensitive and lets her get to him.  However, I think she learned some of this from him last summer when he would compare everything a five year old can do to a three year old.  I am going to need a lot of patience this summer.  I imagine a lot of this sibling rivalry is normal, but you can't help but ask what is wrong with your parenting or family dynamics that your children are at each other like cats and dogs...

Christian Parenting or "tiger mothering?"

I wrote this piece for our monthly newspaper, The Voice.  It was picked up, however, by the National Episcopal Journal.  Our paper is folded into that journal so our parishioners will see the article twice: once locally and once nationally.  The national one has a picture of the family, but there is no specific link to the article.  You can learn more about the newspaper by going to www.episcopaljournal.org


The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother has garnered so much press over the last few months. The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Atlantic Monthly, and even the Economist have had something to say about this memoir. In case you missed the fervor a Chinese-American mother writes a book about how she raises "real" children--not soft, pampered Western children. For example, the girls are never allowed to go on sleepovers, usually have to practice the piano for three or more hours a day, and are rarely praised. In fact, one time the mother decided to rip-up the girls' birthday cards that they made for her because she felt they didn't put enough thought and time into the making of the cards. After all, she reminds them, that she spends lots of money and time on their birthday parties.

As you can imagine, this book touched a real nerve in American culture, especially with the granola eating, childwearing, and attachment parenting set. Do we, modern American parents cater too much to our children's needs? Do they need more discipline and less explanation? Do they need higher standards and less emphasis on self-esteem? Do they need more manners and less technology? Probably. But, I think that's not the point. I think the chattering classes have quite a bit of privilege when it comes to this debate. The privilege comes from being able to debate how we are going to raise our children. Many of us have the time and resources to argue about whether our children should be forced to play the piano or have the luxury of choosing their own instrument. I think as Christians, we should reframe this debate.



I believe it is not the choices about musical instruments and sleepovers that define us. Rather, I believe the gift we can give our children is twofold: we must help them discover their gifts and, ultimately, their vocation. You might counter that that is awfully abstract, but I think it's not. The less we schedule our children, the more time they have to discover what it is they feel called to be--not just do. We can pack their day with activities, but allowing them free time to play, or walk, or just hang out in their rooms, may create the space they need to discover who they are and who they are called to be. As Christians, we might try to show them a variety of ways of being faithful and living into God's world by all kinds of callings. Coming to church is one of those unique places where our kids get to be with other adults outside of school. They get this incredible opportunity to see a diverse group of adults living into their vocations where they are not entirely segregated by age.

And, yes, finding a vocation does involve discipline--gentle discipline. It also involves a cultivation of virtue--patience, generosity, listening, sharing, and love. I'm certainly not against having more obedience in my children's lives--in fact, if anyone knows how to get a 3 year old girl to comply to a request the first time, please let me know. But, as I fight those real battles with my children, I hope we Christians might sing a different tune. I hope our discipline and structure is grounded not in a battle hymn, but rather in our hymn of praise "The Gloria." Because I do believe that if my children come to understand to whom they truly belong, lots of other pieces will slowly come into place. Raising children is a long-term exercise in humility and generosity, and thank goodness, we in the church community don't have to go at it alone.

Pizza Nights

We have found a fun rhythm with our friends in Media.  About once or twice a month, on Friday nights, we have a pizza night.  We either go to their house or they to ours.  We have homemade pizza and the kids play.  After dinner, the kids get to watch a short movie.  They think this is a huge treat and it allows us adults to have some quality conversation.  We own a TV, but they don't.  However, at their house, their father, who is an engineer, fixes up a laptop and projects it on a sheet and streams Amazon live.  Pretty cool.  This past Friday, the kids got into too much mischief and ended up with sand everywhere.  Hence, the cute bath photos.  It's really nice to have friends to do things with on the spur of the moment.

Welcome Edith Margaret

My newest niece arrived yesterday.  All is well.  Elias said she looked like a boy.  I asked him, "How do you know?"  He said, "because boys have brown hair."" Hmmm.  Except that he has yellow hair.  In any case, both he and Addie agreed that their new cousin looked like Josiah.

Rain, rain go away

We have had rain on and off since Saturday and it's now Thursday.  Yesterday was a work day and apparently my children were bad.  The babysitter left me a note telling me about their insubordination.  I got home at 9pm and, of course, everyone was asleep until the boy with tooth pain woke-up.  I sat and rocked him for a half hour.  He is getting two molars and also two more bottom teeth that seem to be growing into each other in a "T" shape.  It seems strange and he is not himself.

In the midst of rain, Addie and I went to vote on Tuesday in our primaries.  When we got to the voting center, Adelaide was very disappointed to find out that Barack Obama was not there.  She thought we were going to his house.  She said, "Can we invite him to our house some day?"  That is one of her favorite questions...She either wants to invite someone to our house or have them invite us to their house.

Meanwhile, back to the tooth topic, we learned that Elias has his first cavity.  I was quite dismayed as I have never had a cavity.  But, his teeth are very porous.  He ratted me out to the dentist and said over and over, "Well, my mom never flosses my teeth."  Truth be told, I can barely get the floss in there.  But, now there are some new children's flossers and we are using them night and day.  He likes to keep one under his pillow for easy access.  He also thinks that getting a cavity is cool because he will have a silver tooth--like a pirate.  I think he'll feel differently when they fix the cavity.  I sure hope so and, no, he's not getting a silver filling.

Rite 13: Preaching to young adults

Today is this magnificent celebration of the gifts that each one of you brings to your friends, your school, your family, this church community of Redeemer, and to your God.
Sometimes we preachers forget to tell our congregations when we are proud of them.
There is an old preaching statement that it is the job of the preacher to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable.

But, you Rite 13ers don't fit neatly into one of those categories.
You are standing in a unique place.
That unique place is that you have acknowledged that growing up in this world is something you can't--and shouldn't--do alone.


Rite 13 is something this congregation has seen and witnessed for a few years now. However, it is important that we are clear what is happening today.
This liturgy recognizes that you all are coming of age.
This liturgy recognizes that manhood and womanhood are gifts of God that just are—your bodies change, your brains change, your thoughts change, and you now have the ability to create human life.
However, what we recognize as the church is that anyone can be a man or a woman, but we here strive to create young people who are prepared and ready to enter early adulthood.
You have talked with your Rite 13 leaders about how adulthood is something we grow into as people of faith.
Anyone can be a man or a woman because it happens to us, but adulthood well lived is a process of becoming.
That process involves seeing gifts in yourselves, seeing gifts in others, and seeing how you want to live as you become an adult.






Way back when you were baptized, your godparents and parents made many promises on your behalf.
One question posed to them was: "Will you continue in the apostles' fellowship, in the breaking of the bread, and in the prayers?"
Perhaps, you have never thought about what that question means; it simply means will you raise your kids to come to church, to feast on the gifts of bread and wine, and will you pray with them, for them, and with others?
Your parents responded, on your behalf, with the statement: I will, with God's help.
Did you notice they didn't say, "You bet, you know it, Absolutely. Unequivocally...No, your parents said, "I will...with God's help."
This is the true essence of today.


Today we mark the fact that as Christians we aren't supposed to go at life alone.
Jesus sent out the disciples in pairs.
Jesus traveled with a small band of friends.
The Holy Trinity is God in three person's for goodness sake.
Baptism is no longer a private event, but a public affair.
And, when we come forward we partake of Holy Communion--it is holy because the gifts are blessed but it's also holy because we become one in communion with each other. Today we celebrate that your faith, and therefore your growth into adults, is not a solitary affair.
That is not to say that you won't feel loneliness, or unsure, or disappointments in this process.
Because you will, or most of you already have.
But, what you should know as you leave this place today is that in this community we are the people who care about your whole life as you live it and offer it to God.


Another thing I want to note is your bravery--not just for standing before a whole group of people and reciting Psalm 139..
But, your bravery to be committed to something beyond your self.
I'm sure you hear all the time about how self-centered adolescents are.
Well, that is often true.


But, all of us, by the nature of sin are incredibly self-centered.
First, that's a survival mechanism.
If we weren't self-centered, we would never have enough food or the basics such as shelter.
So, God gave us the gift of self for a reason.
But, when God created Adam and Eve God created the need for community.
Christianity keeps us grounded in each other.
I know that when you come together as a Rite 13 group you hear about prayer requests. You know of your friends' joys and challenges.
And you are asked to pray for them.
A very simple prayer for another is a way of being pulled out of self-absorption.
Our Christian faith is constantly keeping us attuned not only to others, but, ultimately, to the one to whom we all look for life--Jesus Christ.
By being present here on Sunday mornings, the liturgical life becomes like the flesh on your bones.
And, when you get caught in a rough place you might even hear your self praying those prayers from our liturgy that you prayed so comfortably without books –in the dark--during the Eucharist at the lock-in.


Let’s compliment your parents for a moment.
When you were around 2 years old your parents gave you choices like these:
Would you like goldfish or Ritz crackers?
They kept your choices simple and they only gave you choices of things they were comfortable giving you.
As you have gotten older, they have allowed you to choose sports or hobbies that you love.
But, they have always kept church as an important family commitment.
They didn’t make church a choice, amongst many, for you.
To do so, while it might have been easy for them, would have given you too much responsibility.
While you guys want to have more responsibility, I don’t imagine that you truly want the spiritual growth and life of your family, resting on you shoulders.
So, thank your parents for keeping you here even when they got pushback from you. Your parents are brave, like you.


I’ll finish with a story.
A while back I was listening to a radio interview with Stephen Carter. He is an African-American law professor at Yale.
He is also a devout Episcopalian.
He had just finished writing a book called the Culture of Disbelief.
In that book, he argues for the good of religious discourse in the public sphere.


A caller called in and blasted him for bringing up his children as Christians.
The caller scolded him for not giving his children the "freedom" to choose their own religion.
Carter blithely asked him what he should have done instead?
The caller said that you shouldn't talk about God at all with your kids,
Then at about age 13, you should sit them down with a whole bunch of books, describe the religions of the world, and let the kids choose.
Could you imagine instead of being here today starting from zero and knowing nothing of God or Jesus?


Carter quickly asked him, Do you let your kids choose whether or not they want to go to school?
Do you delay taking them to a doctor until they are 13?
Do you let them decide where your family will go on vacation?
Carter made his point.
Our Christian faith is not just one more choice among others.
It is not just a cerebral process of picking and choosing.
It is a way of life.
Our faith involves our bodies, our minds, and our Spirits.
And, parents have a great and grave trust to see their children raised in the faith.
So, give your parents a pat on the back for the good work they have done--and the good work they continue to do.


You are doing amazing things as you share your presence with us.
You witness that even in typical adolescence, that you see that life is not all about you. The second thing you witness to is that you understand that your faith is not just one more consumer choice.
You know you faith involves the development of Christian habits.
Those habits are best lived in the context of your family,
your greater community, and grounded in your church--which happens to be the Redeemer.
And, yes, even Redeemer will fail you at some point as an institution.
But as people of maturity you can take those disappointments offer them to God, work on healing them, forgiving others, whether it’s your clergy or your friends, and move on in the same community knowing that this is where God has called you to be.


We are so glad that Isabel, Emma, Graham, Morgan, Julia and Lily will stand here making a public commitment to their continued growth in this church.
We, the people of Redeemer, will promise to support you as you grow into adulthood.
Remind us of these promises by continuing your presence with us.
Your selves, your souls, and bodies are the tangible reminders that we, your church, have a job to do.
May God, the good shepherd, be your comforter and guide. AMEN.

A full weekend: Fire, Vomit, and a rained out party

On Friday afternoon, we received a call as we were driving home from one of our babysitters.  We had been having dinner with my colleague and her family.  The sitter asked quite nervously: "Are you OK?"  I said, "Yes, why do you ask?"  Well, there's a firetruck outside your house.  We then called the fire department and found out that someone had called in a brush fire.  The fire itself was about 12 feet from our front door and about two feet from the church building.  We don't know how it started; it could have been a cigarette butt (ugh) ot it could have been an electrical issue.  Both factors will be explored.

Meanwhile, while Adam was dealing with the firefighters and the follow-up I got Jed and Addie into the tub.  I soon heard a cry downstairs and then Elias told me his tummy was like a balloon and now was empty.  Since I couldn't leave the kids in the tub, I yelled down for him to take his clothes off and come upstairs.  He left Adam a nice pile of vomit on the bottom two steps of the house.  However, he did warn Adam when he came in by saying "You will see some mac n cheese on the stairs daddy.  I had too much on my plate.)

Finally, the much anticipated first birthday party was moved from the beautiful farm to the parish hall because of the threat of rain.  It actually only sprinkled here during the course of the party, but the ground was very wet.  The party was still a lot of fun; the kids played in the preschool playground, which ended with an egg hunt, and only one child falling into the fountain.  Josiah loved seeing his seventy plus admirers ( we invited the whole parish) as he tried my strawberry trifle.  And, clean-up was a lot easier right next door then up at the farm.  Next year, we will not schedule a party in May or April outside--nor will we invite so many people.

Everybody has a friend

Josiah and Maggie

Elias and Ben

Tim and Adelaide

Our kids enjoyed a full Saturday with Adam's college friends and their kiddos.  Their newest child was born in December and Craig is Jed's godfather.  Their oldest child and middle child are about the same ages as Elias and Adelaide.  I got one smashing picture of Josiah and his newest friend, Maggie.