Happy Birthday, Bibi

                   We wish you every bit of joy in this new year. Love, M, A, E, A and J!

Reunited...and it feels so good

There were peals of joy and laughter this evening when Addie and Eli got home.  Josiah and Addie took a bath together and then she decided to read to him.  He really missed his roommate and was so glad she was home.  Boy, was it noisy, though.

The Fun of the Only: Simplicity Parenting Part 2

This morning, we slept in again until the ripe old hour of 7:30.  I grabbed Josiah and threw him in bed with us.  He proudly grabbed a pillow, snuggled between us, and pretended to snore.

This week I got to so some simplicity parenting follow through: I culled through Addie's closet.  I realized that she had far too many choices in her closet--many of which were inappropriate because of fit.  It wasn't fair to her to let her pick something out and then tell her why she couldn't wear it.  So, I put all the winter clothes away and then divided her current lot into five blouses, five dresses with sleeves, five with short sleeves, and a couple of sleeveless.  Finally, I put her fancy church dresses in the back of the closet so she can't see them at a glance.  I hope this will enable her to pick things that will make both Mom and Addie happy.
I did the same with Elias' closet and had him try on all of his summer clothes before he left.  He's down to a few dress shirts, a few sweater vests, and some lingering sweaters.  I cleared out their drawers as well.

The other fantastic things I accomplished were:
Getting my haircut--always a monumental task because my hair cut place is closed on Adam's day off and who wants to pay a babysitter on top of the price of a haircut?
Attempting to make gluten free cookies--total failure, by the way
Returning library books

Getting the interior of the car cleaned--yes, this is hard with all three kids in the car and their stuff.
Filling out forms for Elias for Therapy and calling to get his prescription for said Therapy
Writing a few thank you notes
All the laundry in the house is folded and put away
Hanging up some pictures
Ordering theologically sound Easter books for Easter baskets

And, yes, on top of all of this, I did smell the roses with Josiah.  Thanks to Bibi for a lovely break.

White Boys Who Won't Have the "Talk"

I wake up at night and roll-over and think of my older son wearing a hoodie and buying an iced tea and Skittles someday. It seems like such a foreign concept: Afterall, he still can't cross the street without taking a grown-up by the hand. But, some day I know that both my boys--aged 6 and 2--will be allowed to walk to the local Wawa on Baltimore Pike without me. I think about those four blocks from our house to the Wawa and wonder what they might encounter on their way there or their way home. They will probably pass dog walkers, a small group of African-American boys playing hoops in the street, a bunch of refugee smokers outside of TDS bank, Nativity BVM Catholic Church, and then they will walk onto the grounds of Christ Church passing the memorial garden and the fountain on their way into our home. Back safely with their iced tea and Skittles.

I remember when I first learned about "the talk" that African-American boys are given by their parents. No, not that talk about the birds and the bees, but the talk about WHEN you get stopped by the police...My first awareness of this talk came when I was in college and took a sociology class on African-American studies taught by Cheryl Gilkes, who was both a professor and a Black Protestant minister. I later learned that the "talk" also extends to girls. My godson's sister was not allowed to go into malls in the greater Boston area without her white mother because if she did, she would be followed by some pimply store clerk in a five and dime store. They would follow her closely making sure she wouldn't snatch those shiny faux diamond earrings. I think back to two Christmases ago when my godson visited us with his dad, and he had on a hoodie. My godson is tall, dark, and handsome towering over me now that he is 17. On that day, we walked into Media for lunch and I can't remember if he pulled the hoodie up over his head for warmth. And, now all I can think about is John handsomely dressed in a non-politicized hoodie. Now such a choice has got to be a politicized statement for a young African-American male. No doubt, things feel a bit differently for anyone who has an African-American child right now.

I can't get to the details of this case because I don't know them. But, I do know this: My children won't remember a time when they didn't have an African-American as president, especially if Obama rolls into a second term. My children know a church where at least 10% of the congregation is African-American and the other minorities are Korean, Chinese, Latino, and Brazilian. My children are so fond of an older African-American woman they call Miss Claudine, and they insist that her white neighbors (who go to Christ Church as well) are her grandchildren. But, I also know I will never have to sit down with Elias or Josiah and say to them..."When you are stopped by the police...you need to make sure your hands are in view and you are polite and co-operative." I know that in ten years when my boys are teenagers, black boys will still be sat down at their kitchen tables, while their mothers and fathers cringe, and they will be quizzed on the intricacies of procedures when the police stop them. And for all the progress we have made, I know my bous can survive without the talk. It still makes me sick and sad to wake-up thinking about Skittles and iced tea.

When two are away...the other gets to play

With two older kids visiting their Bibi on Spring Break, I am enjoying two things: quiet and my "baby" boy.  Today Josiah enjoyed being the center of attention by both parents.  Since Monday is his Daddy's day off, Jed played with Daddy this afternoon while we both cooked.  He threw balls at us while I folded laundry.  We took him jogging on the bike path.  He got to sit in a big boy chair at dinner and proceeded to grab broccoli off my plate.  Then after supper we even took a walk and went to play at the Tot Lot.  Such fun.  He's been a peach all day.

Our house has been so quiet without the other two chatterboxes.  I swear I heard three or four new words today from Jed.  He woke up and noticed the empty bed and said, "Where's Addie?"  He also asked for "Sasha."  Somehow those S's become Sasha.  I also have a huge list of things I would like to accomplish in these three days.  Without having to drop people off and pick them up all day long, our day was so wide open.  So, I am going to seize the opportunity tomorrow to run lots of errands and not worry about getting them all done before 11:30 preschool pick-up.  Such luxuries.

Bed Invader

Our daughter has taken to invading our bed frequently--almost nightly--in the past two months.  She claims her room is too dark, even with nightlights, and that Jed is not going to protect her from ghosts.  I can't seem to convince her to stay in her bed at 1am so I give in on most occasions.  This is how I found her sleeping the other morning. Yes, please, make yourself at home!

Someone found out he can be funny!

I've heard it said that third children tend to be very funny.  How else do they get attention? Ours discovered at a restaurant last week that he could crack up a table of people by pulling his shirt over his head and then start roaring like a pirate.  He decided to keep up the habit on the playground.  Everybody gathered around and laughed.  Ahoy there, matey!

First Day of Spring

Elias keeps a homemade calendar in his room.  Every morning he marks off the day and notes important events, such as his mom's birthday, his half birthday, St. Patrick's Day, Bibi's birthday, and the first day of Spring.  When we lived in Wisconsin, we were within walking distance from Michael's Frozen Custard.  Quite frankly, a both delicious and devilish place.  The custard is so very good, but so very rich.  We were surprised to learn that custard is also sold in the Philly area.  We have a Rita's water ice in our town--again within walking distance--from our home.  Last year, we learned that on the first day of Spring Rita's gives away free water ice.  Unfortunately, though, last year it was a Sunday and the line was three or four blocks long.  This year, we went and waited for about twenty minutes and got our first free water ice.  What a beautiful start to spring--and all because of Eli's persistent calendar counting.

Lip Gloss & Legalism

Our little girl was going through a state of disequilibrium about two weeks ago.  It was getting to be a bit challenging.  I was finding my self wondering how to manage each child--and with what strategy.  Jed need a quick explanation of "no" and very fast redirection such as snagging the scissors out of his hand and pushing a car into them.  Elias usually just needs to be told "no" and some effort at getting his body under control.  But, Addie was just a conundrum.  She can be openly defiant.  Simple tasks like getting dressed and putting shoes on can be a major power struggle.
I was sharing this with a friend and she said that I needed to become Adelaide's biggest ally.  Teach her that I want her to succeed, while at the same time making her responsible for the choices she makes.  So, an example would be to say, "Addie I really want you to be able to go to school, so let's get your shoes on now."  If she doesn't follow-through, then she doesn't get to go to school.  But, not emphasize that in a punitive way, but rather, "Oh, I see you didn't get your shoes on.  It's too bad you can't go to school today."  So, I've been trying this and using a chart which she is enjoying.
For each request--again, short, simple, direct, and not a question--if she responds on the first asking, she got to fill in a smiley face.  After, receiving a full week of smiley faces, Addie and I had brainstormed together something she could earn for co-operating.  She chose lip gloss and I concurred.   The picture below is of her showing off the two lip glosses that she picked out.
I'm not sure if the chart or my attitude towards her has made the difference.  But, I can resoundingly report that she has been so much more fun to be around--more compliant, more generous, more kind and yesterday, on my birthday,  she told me she was going to be nice to me all day.  I must say that I have been able to enjoy her over the past few weeks, rather than endure her. 

Victory!

Kids with sensory processing order have difficulty getting their bodies to do what their brains say.  This can be manifested in a lack of coordination with fine motor, and some gross motor, skills.  Typically, SPD kids are late bloomers when it comes to things like riding a bike.  I have chronicled some of our travails with soccer and other activities that take some physical coordination.  So, we have been attentive to finding a "sport" that might work for Elias.
Elias really enjoys swimming.  He takes lessons at the Y.  The Y has just opened a family pool and we often go together on the weekends.  There is a terrific green giant slide, but one must be in possession of a green wrist band to go down the slide.  This Friday I casually said to Elias, "Maybe you can take the test."  The life guard told us it involved swimming a length, turning around and swimming half way back, and treading water for 15 seconds.  I said to him, "Well, you can try, but I think it might be too much."

Boy, did he prove me wrong.  I didn't get to watch, but was told all about it.  He passed the test and told me the lifeguard said it didn't have to be pretty, he just had to pass.  And, pass he did. And, he was just so proud of himself.  I have to say both Adam and I were astonished as well.  Hooray for our little boy.

Lest You Think...

He's cute, yes, but boy is he a handful. 22 months and very limited language and on the verge of the terrible twos.  Right now, Josiah is quick to hit, kick, scream, and throw.  But, most people always say to me, "Oh what a happy boy--and he is."  In the above picture, he was wiping hummus all over himself and the table while I was washing dishes.  Last night he pushed the white kitchen chair up against the stove while I was throwing a load of laundry in, and he tried to turn the stove on.  Luckily, the other kids ratted him out.  (Of course, you have to push down and turn to get gas stoves started, but really...I was informed at the childwatch at the Y that he had his first "time out" there.  I calmly asked, "Oh, did he hit or push someone or pull their hair?"  I think the worker was a bit taken aback.  I expect she was thinking I would admonish her for putting him in time out.  No, I just wanted to know the nauture of the crime outside of the home environment.  After he slapped my face today during a diaper change, I said, "What do you say to Mommy?"  He looked a me with sobering eyes and said, "Thank you."

The Bathroom: Part 3

We are now just waiting on a shower curtain made specifically for a clawtub.  I bought two new plush towels at Target today.  The tub, sink, and toilet have been moved back in and hooked up.  The kids have already inaugurated the toilet.  It works!  The tiled floor is a great choice.  We have to wait and see what the damage has been from the cost because of ripping up the rusted pipes.  So, we may not be able to get a new medicine cabinet and light fixture this year.  However, once the shower curtain arrives the room will be very functional and aesthetically miles beyond what the room was.  The last possible project for another time is to have the tub and the sink refinished with a special glaze which takes out the very old stains and makes the pieces look pristine, but retains their authenticity.  Maybe the next year, too.

Simplicity Parenting

If I had the ability to make this blog a bit more sophisticated, I would have on my sidebar books that I recommend.  Recently, I have been reading a book called Simplicity Parenting, which I'm enjoying.  It's written by a person with a "Waldorfian" outlook on life.  He has four tenets for helping children defy the rush of the modern childhood.  His basic premise is that less is more.  Simple, right? 

The first thing he attacks is the problem of an overabundance of childrens' toys and stuff.  He does this not to just get you to declutter, but so that your children's choices are easier.  He argues it is overwhelming for small children to have to dig through mountains of toys to decide what to play with.  He advocates getting rid of all plastic toys, all "character" toys, all developmentally inappropriate toys, and all battery toys,.  In the end, you should be left with about 10 toys for your kids to play with in addition to two baskets of toys that are covered with a simple cloth. 

I decided to attack our toys and I got rid of anything that was broken or missing pieces and lots of plastic.  I also screened out toys in duplicates.  I took two large boxes of toys to the Goodwill today.  I did leave some plastic toys intact and I kept things like puzzles, board games, and cards.  But, we did a nice clean so that we could see what we have better.  I also kept many of their dress-ups, which he encourages having as well.

He comments on the fact that in about 1950 Mattell and other toy companies came into being.  Before that time, children had few toys because they were not mass produced.  As we know, now plastic toys can be made so cheaply that they proliferate.  One of the joys of this process was that Addie found a simple cloth doll.  (He argues that so many of the Barbie dolls end up being broken because Barbie's can not do anything.  They come intact.)  She has been dressing her doll, we got out the old cradle that was for my dolls when I was a little girl, and Rosie (just named this week) has even gone with us to the YMCA in the carseat.  How much fun it has been to see her discover something buried in a basket and derive some real joy from it.

The author advocates the same things for books, but I can't bring myself to do that.  I guess I have too much of a bibliophile outlook on life than to look at books as consumeristic for me or for the kids.  But, overall the library purge was a good one and brought out results that are in keeping with some of his observations and work with children over the years.

Screen Addicts

A Budding Actress

Addie is really taken with my Iphone and wants to sing and take videos all the time.  We've finally determined that hse can use my phone on Sundays for her artistic endeavors.