The Incredible Hulk Gets a Haircut

Elias went to Daddy's fancy salon instead of the kid place tonight for a haircut.  He did so well that the hairdresser promised him green hair when she was done--and so here it is.  He says he looks like the Incredible Hulk's cousin...

First ice cream cone ever!

Imelda and Josiah

Addie's new weapon

Me: Addie, what did you make?
Addie: A thing what you hit people with...(few second later I hear a loud cry)
Me: Addie, did you just hit your brother?
Addie: Yes, I used my thing what you hit peopke with because Josiah is a robber.

On Wisconsin and a VTS reunion

Josiah's godfather was happily married on Saturday in Madison, Wisconsin.  We celebrated with the happy couple and got some great visiting in with Addie's godparents as well as former students in the UW-Madison chaplaincy.  It was great to go back for a visit.

Van Gogh gets going

Here are a few shots of Elias at his spring concert and in front of some of his artwork.  As we were walking in he so politely commented that the preschoolers art work was just scribble scrabble.  I reminded him that that is where he started as well!

Addie and her warthog

While we were away on our trip, Addie's great-aunt noticed a wart on her foot.  Last week, I took her in to have it removed.  She was very brave and came home and reported to her dad that Dr. Fienmann took her warthog away.

Ashes to Ashes

As we sat around the dinner table that evening, Addie asked, "Is Beth just sad today?"  My dear friend and colleague's husband died right after Easter after fighting cancer for about five months.  The memorial service had been that morning, at which I presided.  While I was making my way down the aisle saying the opening sentences, "I am the resurrection an the life says the Lord..." this very small creature kept trying to grab my attention.  Except for this need to be seen by me at the entrance and the dismissal, I wouldn't have known that Addie and Eli were there.  I did hear, however, that after my rector finished his homily Addie said rather loudly, "Wow, Daddy, that was a long one."  The service included four beautiful anthems and over 300 people, many of whom were clergy from the diocese, so it was a long liturgy--about an hour and a half.  I know this was the first funeral my kids have attended in the Episcopal Church.
Hence, the litany of dinner questions.  We explained that Beth had been sad on and off for a while and still would be because her best friend, her husband, had died.  They both seemed to understand that, but then Addie wanted to know where Bill's body was.  At this point, I got a little nervous.  There was not a coffin, but only an urn, which was covered with a pall.  We gently explained that Bill's body was like ashes or dirt now.  (Luckily, the kids did not ask how that happens because I don't have a good way to explain the process of cremation to a four and six year-old.)  Adam added that Bill's body was now like the ashes we use on Ash Wednesday and that some day all of us will be ashes again.  Then the conversation quickly shifted to who was going to become ashes first.
Addie proudly exclaimed that Mommy will die first because she's the oldest.  Then Daddy.  And, of course, then Elias, her, and Jed.  I know I start to feel a little uncomfortable when my kids anticipate my death, especially because Adelaide has already requested a specific pair of my shoes when I die.  But, for the most part, natural conversations connected to life events seem the best way to prepare kids for eventual encounters with death.
Just a week ago, a 38 year-old man died who was in Adam's fraternity.  He relayed to me that lots of his friends were terribly undone because they had never been exposed to death before.  How amazing, but how true in this day and age.  I remember still being shocked at a funeral I attended where the mother of two young children had not told her children about the death of their babysitter and it had been almost 10 days.  She still hadn't the courage to do that after consulting with two child psychologists.  Yet, in the olden days, children were around when grandma or grandpa died, some bodies were prepared in the home, laid out there, and everyone was included in the process.  Compare the babysitter's funeral to the one I helped officiate after that in which the two grandsons sat up front at their grandpa's funeral.  Then both boys helped grandma lay his ashes into the ground.  Tears and snot streaming from their faces no less, but they were given the honor and respect to help say good-bye to their grandfather. I have had parents say to me, "We're trying not to make a big deal over grandma's death because of the kids--just trying to keep things normal for them"  But, I want to say that is a disservice because your kids are going to wonder what is wrong with them that they feel sad and you don't. 

                                            Gathering to say good-bye to "Aunt Judy"

And, of course, we all grieve differently.  Your child may grieve alone or may need to climb up in your lap and be held.  But, we just need to let them know that having all different kinds of feelings after someone dies is OK.  I truly believe that the dinner table is the place to talk about death, to cry if need be, and to hold hands and say grace.  We all will do that differently.  But, if we hand over grief to child pyschologists or keep things normal for the sake of the kids, the day of reckoning will be extremely hard--and incredibly disorienting. We owe our kids more than that.

Good Old Mothers' Day

I have been incredibly spoiled with time away from my kids over the past month.  That said, I really didn't expect much for Mothers' Day--no great fanfare at least.  I woke-up early to go to work and so did Adam.  While I was in the midst of a pile of laundry, literally, my children regaled me with a Happy Mother's Day song and their respective cards and artwork.  We ate a leftovers lunch and then joined some friends for the afternoon for their son's birthday.  we were so tired at the end of the day that we collapsed after giving the kids cereal for dinner.  I smelled a steak being cooked some time that evening, but I was far too tired to move myself out of bed.

The above gifts were priceless.  Addie signed her own name and Elias wrote me a poem.  I don't know if you will be able to read it, but the last line reads, "My mom is helpful.  She helps me when I am sad."  This meant more to me than you can imagine.  As most of you know, Elias is prone to meltdowns.  His meltdowns used to really upset and agitate me as well.  During the course of this year, I have learned to hold him when he melts, instead of responding with anger or frustration.  I have tried to mirror a calm and stable mother on the outside even if I am not feeling it on the inside. And, also we have tried to allow Elias to understand the difference between anger and sadness.  He would much prefer to be angry than to be sad.  So, it's a great stride to see that he chose to write about being sad to begin with.  And, I'm so glad to know that I can be helpful.  I sure thank Hallmark for lifting up the day or else I may have never known these important strides.

T-Ball Stars

My two kiddos were serendipitously placed on the Cubs team for T-ball.  Nothing like that to make some former Cubs fans feel guilty because they have turned into Phillies fans.  The kids have enjoyed their hats, their water bottles, and even playing the game.

Of Fairies and Friends

We got to see our good friends from Wisconsin, who now live in Pennsylvania, but are moving soon.  We met up at a wonderful park and the kids played for about three hours.  Much of that time was spent in imaginative play with queens, kings, princes, and princesses.  It truly was a joy to watch--especially since they hadn't seen each other in over a year.  The playground was contained enough that the younger kids played well, too, and the moms had time to catch-up.  Thanks for the visit!

An Early Mothers' Day Surprise

Elias told me to close my eyes while I was folding laundry in our laundry room, which is adjacent to our kitchen.  I told him that when I was done, I would not just close my eyes but go upstairs to put some things away.  He came bouncing up to the third floor to get me and announced he had an early Mothers' Day present.  Yes, he had scrubbed the kitchen floor with a multipurpose cleaner--and there were magnificent suds everywhere.  He also did the countertops.  Thanks, Eli.

Creative Chefs

I came home from work the other night and found this tasty soup left for me on the table.  Many evenings, one of the kids makes the salad for dinner and uses their own paring knife and cutting board.  However, this particular evening they had decided to make up a soup and were against using a recipe.  I can't even remember what the soup contained except that is was lukewarm water and grapes.  I was pretty lucky because I didn't have to eat it, but only praise it the next day.  Last night, we had to convince them that we didn't need another soup for dinner.